Hello Cargo



TheOffsideRules.blogspot.com is over. As of today TOR will move exclusively to TheOffsideRules.com. I'll keep this address as an archive of good times-past and as a parachute in case both you and I agree that the new look is whack in the long run.

Pretty much the only thing that is changing is the layout/user experience, which is kind of a big deal but not really. Also, this is the official divorce decree between TOR and Helvetica Bold. Sorry kids but it's for the best that we split; the thrill was gone.

Hello Cargo



TheOffsideRules.blogspot.com is over. As of today TOR will move exclusively to TheOffsideRules.com. I'll keep this address as an archive of good times-past and as a parachute in case both you and I agree that the new look is whack in the long run.

Pretty much the only thing that is changing is the layout/user experience, which is kind of a big deal but not really. Also, this is the official divorce decree between TOR and Helvetica Bold. Sorry kids but it's for the best that we split; the thrill was gone.

Seven Minutes in (Timbers) Heaven



Portland’s debut MLS season may have come to a halt but the misty-eyed memories and goosebump-inducing flashbacks live on in Portland Timbers, We Adore You. A no-narration documentary chronicling JELD-WEN Field’s inaugural MLS match, the seven-minute film drips with both tasteful camerawork and nostalgia for the recent past. There is also a little bit of odd timing as well as opening day was 8 months ago but that is of little consequence when the finished product to so damn pretty to look at.

Add in a handful of highly-stylized Adrian Healy soundbites and the end result is something any reasonable fan of American soccer would deem worthy of watching*. Twice.

BONUS TRACK: Alaska Airlines recently did their own JELD-WEN Field opening flashback video. Watch it.

*Reasonable fan ≠ a closed-minded Sounders fan who blindly hates anything associated with Portland.

SKC Fans Keep Afroman’s Legacy Alive Through Kei Kamara Worship



Remember Afroman's "Because I Got High"? Much like Alanis Morrisette's "You Outta Know" it was one of those rare late 90s/early 2000s pop songs that managed to sneak a blatant oral sex reference onto America's most mom-approved radio stations. Subsequently, many of us experienced that awkward moment where you are in a small confined space (i.e. a car) with one of your parents and you are both forced into uncomfortable silence by the knowledge that you are both thinking about sexual activity at the same time.

All that potentially scarring, therapy-worthy stuff aside, Sporting KC fans have found another use for Afroman's 2001 weed-rap anthem: flipping it into an ode to Kei Kamara. Witness the grandeur for yourself, recorded at last night's playoff rally in downtown KCMO. Nice work guys.

H/T to @JweavKC and @Eighmee.

NSR: Teenage Bad Girl "X Girl"



There are 2 artists in my iTunes whose names are quite likely to get me investigated for dirty old man-ery: Teen Girl Fantasy and Teenage Bad Girl. If you like poppy, playful club cuts with a pervy, R. Kelly-arousing name you should check them out; the track above is by TBG and is called "X Girl" but it should probably be called "Fake Go! Team Song."